The suffering related with loosing a loved one is the hardest thing to treat. The pain that one get through the death of a dear one is immeasurable and irreparable. Words can’t describe this. Try to be with anybody who is passing through this time. No one should be alone at this moment and so here are 20 tips for you to help your bereaved friend.
1. Attend the funeral
Don’t forget to join the funeral party even if are too busy. For the bereaved person it will be a consolation as it will show them your really cared a lot for their loved one.
2. Avoid these phrases
You should never tell some phrases in front of a bereaved person to console. For instances phrases like “It’s part of God’s plan”, “He’s in a better place now”, “I know how you feel”, “Look at what you have to be thankful for”, “It’s time to move on” should be avoided at any cost.
3. Be aware of the holidays
Off days are emotionally hard for the people who are grieving. You can go to them on holidays and help them cope with the extra emotional toll. Invite them for dinner or have dinner at their house. just share some tears and lend your shoulder to cry on.
4. Beware of the mask
Sometimes the bereaved people may hide their feelings as they don’t wish to burden people. Don’t push them hard to talk. Instead you may gently ask them how they are really feeling or if they are OK.
5. Cook for the grieving
Intense sorrow can cause people to lose the appetite and hence the urge to cook. You may take the duty to prepare meals for the bereaved. This will be a gesture of love and care to the grieving.
6. Do not minimize the loss
Don’t compare one’s sorrow with another one. Assure the bereaved that what he or she is feeling is quite natural but incomparable. No one will be able to realize the real impact of their sorrow.
7. Do not rush things
8. Do not try to “fix” the problem
If you are not a professional, don’t offer solutions to the bereaved. Instead, try to care the bereaved in whatever way they need.
9. Don’t steer the feelings away
Let the bereaved people know that it’s quite natural to get angry or to cry or to say something that does not go with his character. Don’t try to show the cause to the grieving by saying things to change their behavior or attitude.
10. Give them space
Somebody’s presence is really important and a consolation to the grieving. However the bereaved may need some time unaccompanied. Check out the sing of distress and identify when to give the grieving space.
11. Help spread the message
Try to help the grieving by sharing information concerning funeral arrangements or memorial services. Thus you can lift a huge burden off their shoulders. During this hard time the grieving people will be emotionally and mentally drained and if you help them to deal with anything, it will be a huge help to them.
12. Let the bereaved talk about the deceased
The grieving people may find it obligatory to narrate the story of how their loved one died. Listen to the story of the grieving attentively. This helps the bereaved find consolation and accepting the reality of what has happened.
It’s unfortunate that there no such talk that can diminish grief. So don’t try to do that. Instead let them share their pain and listen to them attentively.
If you have any pictures, memento or anything that can be related with the loved one, just make a “memory package” and share it with the bereaved. I can be a way to console him.
15. Reach out to the grieving
Try to be with the bereaved people because there is no substitute for presence. It’s insignificant what you say to console the grieving or try to solve the issues but just be with the bereaved. This will be very comforting to that individual who has lost a loved one.
16. Reassure them
You must be aware of the fact that the grieving are riding an emotional roller-coaster. Some times they are quite OK but at the very next moment they can be totally shattered. Tell them it’s quite natural and assure that you will be there for them.
17. Roll with the emotions
The grieving really lives in an intense emotional state. Some times you can notice him behaving in a way that doesn’t go with his behavior. You can see him yelling out in anger, crying uncontrollably, “snapping” at dear ones and other things. At that moment don’t judge the grieving and don’t take anything personal.
18. Silence is not a bad thing
If the grieving don’t want to speak, don’t give them pressure to do so. Just give them a heartfelt hug or hold their hand cordially. It will assure that It’s quite usual to say nothing and you will be there for them.
19. Spend time with the bereaved
The bereaved will take time to deal with the flow of emotion. Try to be with the bereaved. Phone him and ask him how his day is going. Try to be with him in morning and evening walk and talk to him consistently. Try to visit him often and help them with chores and shopping.
20. Understand that everyone grieves differently
Grief is quite natural though it is a complex phenomenon and emotionally it takes toll on us. Grief can be displayed in varied ways. There is no right or no wrong way. Avoid telling the bereaved what she or he should do or feel.